What comes to mind when you hear the word Passion? (love, sex, steamy affairs) I heard a great sermon Friday night at the Women's Worship Service, at my church. She said that women must remember to save their passion for what makes them happy, and don't reserve it only for sex. We must live, celebrate and walk with passion and purpose. Cook, dream, make love, dance and work with passion and purpose. Sing, act and breathe with purpose and passion. Do what you enjoy, love, and what sparks your passion daily.. Don't live a passionless life waiting for Mr. Right, or the next roll between the sheets. Read a book, educate a young sista in the world, improve yourself, buy your house, take yourself out to dinner and a movie.. Don't waste your passion waiting to be chosen/rescued by a man. And married women must not let their passions die, once they get a ring on the finger. Hearing that type of sermon was so very inspiring, spiritual, thought provoking, positive and righteous.
Speaking of Passion... I caught the new Mel.Gibs.on movie over the weekend. It was divinely ordered for me to be there, at that exact time and space, to get my blessing. Various churches had bought out all the theaters for the day, and nothing was available to the public until 7.30 pm. I didn't know that and showed up at 3.20 for the 4pm show. Just as we were walking out the door looking sad about the sell-outs, a lady stopped us and pulled us to the side. She was holding tickets for her church's members, the movie had been on for 20 minutes, and she had alot of tickets left. She gave them to us with a smile and a blessing. (God is always blessing me, and its extra sweet when I'm not expecting it) We settled in, happy to be there free. Got there just in time to see Jesus brought into the temple to be officially charged. I didn't have a chance to catch my breath and relax good, and next thing I know they were beating the crap out of him. It was one of the most violent, brutal, cruel acts i've ever witnessed. The tears started flowing from my eyes freely and un-ashamed. It was a 5 minute scene that seemed to go on for hours. It left me shaking, snotting, crying, rocking, and moaning in my seat. It was like a scene from a slaughter-house, the blood was running like niagra-falls. By the near-end of the film I was numb and horrified. I had taken in so much so quickly, that I couldn't register and process it any longer. My eyes were on the screen but I couldn't focus on it any longer.
The scenes where they nailed him to the cross were so graphic and realistic. I was a quivering pile of snot and tears by that point. My shirt soaked through from tears and sweat. Breathing hard and trying not to hyper-ventalate (the last thing I wanted to do was pass out in the movie). I looked around at the others in the theater and many of them were reacting the same way. (They should distribute a small pack of tissues instead of popcorn at the front of the theater) It was a life changing experience and I left the theater shaking with my eyes swollen half-closed. I thought I understood the sacrifice Jesus made by giving his life, to save the world. After seeing this movie, I know that I was not anywhere close in my imagination of what he endured for us.. A definate must-see movie. (strictly for the grown folks, thats too much blood for kids to handle)
He sacrificed for me, and i'm sacrificing for him. It's been a long while since i've given up anything for Lent. After yesterdays movie experience, I thought about something I enjoy and need to let go of for a lil while. I'm not Catho.lic, but I'm goinna do it like they do (its universally a Chri.stian thang right). No meat on fridays, just fish.. and for lent i'm giving up alchohol (deep sigh) I must run with a crew of lush'es, cuz I know a few others who are doing the same. The challenge started tonight at the comedy club I went to with my girls. I was gettin my laugh on, thanks to some of the funniest comics who have also been featured on BET Comic View.. There I was, in a sea of martinis, cosmos, beers, vodka, and other liquid-delights. I smiled and ordered a pineapple-cranberry juice on the rocks. Only 2 bucks, real big cup, delicious, sweet, and liquor-free. Looks at calender, It's goinna be a long way till Easter.
*Warning So.ul-Food Epi.sode Spoilers Included*
Ya don't fuck with family!! Ya might end up with your ass kicked.. Ya heard!! Ummmmm hold up. Wait a minute.. Calms down... I'm not a Joseph.. Forgive me..... I forgot for a moment that I'm not a member of the Joseph family. Damnit I feel like they are my family. It's amazing how you can grow to care about, be concerned over, like, even grow to love TV show characters. I was horibly upset when Sex-n-tha-city was over (I love those ladies) However, the love is a lil deeper for S.ou.l-Fo.od cuz, well, the cultural ties are there. A bunch of strong, beautiful, smart, firey black women. Its easy to see why I grew attached to em so hard, and see myself in that group *Smirks* Ok now i'm bragging on myself... Ahem..
But I know I was not the only one ready to sock ole boy in the jaw when he brought his pompus ass up in Terri's office talking smack "Terri the sex was not that good" ... Of all the nerve!! and he told her co-workers about the sex too.. What a bastard.. Just outta order.. I felt like I was watching one of my sista-girlfriends go thru it, and I wanted to back her up. Bring the girls and wreck his shit.. and when Ahmad got arrested over that bullshit with the white lady, I was toooooooo heated. I felt like that was my lil brother gettin messed with.. But thats a scene from reality for so many black folks.. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong color = jail or police abuse.. and Bird, lawd, her shit is about to be all fucked up with Lem and Baron's asses. I can't believe she was that naieve over the money she found, and her husband's shady excuses. That brutha tries to do right, but damit trouble stays on his trail like a tick on a fat dog's ass.
Ok.. so I showed my afro-wearin-mug to the world (well to the world who asked, and the ladies at Napp..turality . Hope I didn't dissapoint.. and if I did.. too dang-gone-bad..
I surfed up on this funny ass cartoon and thought about myself, Max, and a few others I know who are coffee-house addicted. This joint is a must see, and it's rather true (but sad)
Ummmm i'm peepin the re-showing of this weeks Da.ve Ch.ap.el.le show.. Ehhhh it wuz funny, but not on the level of the previous 2 weeks.. An.th.ony Ha.milt..on is bangin as the musical guest. Thats a cd everybody should have in their collection.. Dude has a serious, soulful, throw-back voice.. and now that i'm lookin at him, he aint too bad lookin eitha.. Never really thought about him that way before.
I'm falling more in love with Ka.ny.e's cd, the more I play it.. Never let me down is my favorite track on that joint.. Despite what others may say about it. *looks @ the coach* Shakes my head sadly.
Nothings really going on with me... same ole shit.. nothing new to report.. That's a good thang in a way.. Tomorrah i'm planning on chylling out at home all damn day and night. Don't have to work, don't have class, and only leaving my if absoloutely necessary.. I read a book several years ago "Way-past-cool" Really good joint about black youth in Oa.k-la.nd and troubles they get into in the streets with gangs and drug wars. I don't remember much about the plot because it was a long time ago, but I saw on Bl.ockbus.ta's website there was a movie made from the book, and pratically tripped over my feet going to Block-bu.sta to get the DVD. So tomorrah its me, the remote control, Way-Past-Cool (the movie) a can of soda, snacks, and thats about it.
Ohhhhhh and I do have another DVD to keep my company tomorrah. The joint I ordered from E.b.ay. got here yesterday. A guy friend of mine reccomended I check out Bo.oty.ta.lk # 19 (one of his favorites). So when I saw the joint for 6 dollars I swooped on it.. Well, that joint is madd ghetto fabulous. I gave it a lil preview last night.. Rather than concentrate on the sex scenes, I oddly found myself peeping the females like ummmm look at the bad teeth, jacked up grills, nasty/nappy old ass braids, perm-fried hairlines, horrible weeves, scars and bullet-wounds.. I was equally amused and turned on.. Is it unusual to laugh at porn.. I found the joint rather funny.. I'll give it a real viewing tomorrah, ignore the sistas with nasty hair, and check out the other aspects.. Now that I think about it, in a few other flics i've seen the sistas have horrible weeve jobs.. Not that I blame them one bit. They make enough money to have superstar hair. But seriously, why have a To.ni Bra.xt.on type weeve, when some random negro is going to skeet skeet skeet gad-damn all up in it..
Just a few things i'm thinking about.. holla
This was the weekend of freshness, windex, ajax, tide, and brooms.. They say that your mind is only as focused/clear as your environment.. If thats the case my mind has been sheer chaos lately. I took a good look around my room and was disgusted. Spent the better part of Friday/Saturday going through old papers, clothes, junk, ect.. Happily pitched a big garbage bag of stuff out the back door. Everything is back where it should be, gear is back on the rack, closet is in decent shape, beauty products are lined up neatly on the shelf, books are at home in a corner. The tornado that blows everything to heck is no longer welcome in my space..
Raises cosmo in the air and takes a slow sip... (spits lemon rind on the floor) SATC is over and I'm distraught.. I cried several times through the show, and turned my head so Mom would not see me "cryin-like-a-lil-bitch".. Seconds after it was over, my phone was ringing, and my girl J was calling me crying too.. That bathroom scene with Steve's Mom and Miranda got to me (big lump in my throat).. The whole Carrie/Alex fight in Paris had me yellin at the TV angrily.. I'm not going into too much detail right now, because I don't want to spoil it for anyone who missed it tonite, and is catching the re-run on Tuesday nite.
For my gyrls.. I completed a photo journal of my natural hair journey.. It's like hair-blogging with photos, to keep me motivated as I learn and grow. The addy is accessible by request (drop me a comment, and i'll reply with the details) Plz keep the new section private (smiles).. I'm a sensitive individual and i'm really trying to be open (to selective few) about sharing my personal shit (laughs).
TIVO alerts... Wednesday 2/24/04 - Dave Chapelle Show and Soul Food (final season premier)
and i'm out...
I needed a little pizazz in my life, and messing with my hair usually does the trick. Picked up a box of Clairol Textures and Tones in Cherrywood, and hooked up my fluffy lil afro last night. It's a beautiful shade of cinnamon-red.
Around 2000, I picked up the name Reddy because Cherrywood was my trademark color for about 3 years when I had dreadlocks. (Until I changed the color to golden bronze for a year, but I was not feeling the name Goldie)
Kanye West's cd is officially the business. Absoloutely mindblowing and refreshing. Spaceship flowed into the next track Jesus Walks and Never Let Me down. Those three tracks were a little more than I could handle at first listen. The spiritual subjects, beats, and soul got to me in a way I was not expecting. Reminding me of my first love affair with hip-hop, and how passionate and intense it was. (compared to where our relationship is now) I used to love h.e.r. . Last night I actually got choked up, lump in the throat, with a tear about to run down the cheek based on those three songs together. However he had to go and ruin a good feeling. I was a little thrown off and disapointed with Kanye's references to college, education and degrees being a waste of money and time. (Especially with me being a frustrated graduate student)
I don't have any plans for the weekend, and may spend my time cleaning the crib, reading homework chapters, and doing laundry. Boring huh.. I'd rather hit a club or concert or something fun.
I want one of those cute t-shirts they gave away on Oprah, to celebrate Sex and the City's finale. I'm A Miranda (and I want the whole world to know). Giggles, now i've got her hair color again to match the personality!
Charlie Murphy needs his own damn comedy show.. He's off the chain.
I updated my links.. S.R. should kick me for not doing that sooner. (and she's going to be a mommy soon.. to a cute, white, curly haired, 4 legged friend)
Remind me to pour out a lil liquor for my dead portable cd player. After 5 years of good service, the ole girl finally clunked out and stopped spinning. Had to drop by circuit city and pick up a new one today. I had no idea they made portable cd players with radios included. (i've been living in the dark ages of technology since I got the last one in 1999). The new one is made by Magnavox, fifty bucks aint bad, the sound quality is amazing, I love the radio function, and i'm back in business for my long rides to and from school on the train.
All I gotta do now is come up on a new, cheap/free, cell phone with a new company.. Right now i've got Sprint (can't stand em).. I'm open to ideas and reccomendations for a new service provider.. Holla back.
I caught Barber.Shop last night. Very good message, positive, cute, funny, and somewhat corny. I give it 2 thumbs up. It aint oscar material, but it does the job for being funny and entertaining. Overall, Cedric stole the movie, E.v.e can't act worth a damn, Cu.be is sexy with those intelligent looking glasses, Blue-eyed-Ricky is the business and he could get it any day of the week.
Ghetto shot of the week - If you can't decide between buying spinning rims, and new sneakers, you can get em both in one swoop. (This is just plain terrible)
Work was very trying, frustrating, and an exercise in temper-control today. I'm surrounded on all fronts by triffling behavior and attitudes. It's becoming too much for a serious minded sista to bear. I handle things professionally on the work front, and perhaps a little too efficient and non-triffling for other folks to swallow.
I dusted off my old school W.u-Ta.ng, Enter the 36 chambers cd today, and rocked it on the subway, comming home from school. I had forgotten the classic genius of that joint. Artists sure don't make hip-hop like that anymore. Hell, even the Wu was doomed to live under the shadow of that cd. They never lived up to its damn-near-perfectness with any of their other releases (collective or solo). The only thing comming close is Ghost.face Kill.ah's solo cd's, and Raek.won's first solo joint. Rae only put out one classic, but Ghost released 3 solid ass cd's with beats that were banannas. (Iro.nm.an being my personal favorite, followed by Bull.e.tproof Walle.ts) I'm on the lookout for his new one in the next few months. I think its called "Pr.etty To.ny".. Aight let me jump off my hip-hop wagon and ride on outta here.
Valentines day is over! All the extra romantic energy in the universe has tipped back to its normal scale.
I gave my mom a card yesterday, and watched her get all teary eyed. That's the best kind of love to have in the air.
I can add a few names to the list of people who think i'm an evil-bitch. It's totally a matter of perception and opinion. If I'm deliberately provoked to act a certain way, I have no problem with raining an attitude all over your parade.
Peeped the whole Ka.nye-W.e.st cd.. still have not picked it up, but its a blazing release.
I discovered there is an adult section on e-b.a.y. Just won an auction for a hott all-black dvd flic for 6 bucks, that retails for 30. Can't say no to porn thats good quality AND with the added bonus of being cheap.
Glycerin based spray products are a wonderful thing. I'm wearing my curly short afro, pulled back with a scarf, and it pokes out the back. However i'm afraid of leaving a greasy print on someones wall or couch like in Commin to A.me.rica. I'm having curl flashbacks.
I-Boogie has a new home, and its lookin real good. Congrats on the move Miss-Lady.
I've eaten enough candy in the past 2 days, to say i'm sadly ashamed of my chocolate binge. I won't be touching the stuff anymore until easter.
I was bored as hell last night, high on chocolate, and took a gang of dirty pictures with my digital camera. Life just is not complete until you've done a few - drop, squat, and spread-it poses with a camera. It's not a typical Saturday night, having your own nasty-style photo shoot. (promptly deleted all 12 of em after playtime)
Gossip wise - I found out Ery.ka.h Ba.d.u is pregnant, and the father may be the D.O.C. Remember him.. Dude had a brilliant career extinguished by a car accident. I've seen it on several news sites, but nothings ever positive until its been DNA tested on Ma.ur.y.
Smooches and I'm out.
Just one of them days-That a girl goes through-When I'm angry inside-Don't want to take it out on you-Just one of them days-Don't take it personal-I just wanna be all alone
It was project hide-away in my spot today. One of my female-homies emailed me askin me to kick it a happy hour, and I declined. Just not feeling social, friendly, or chatty today. I slept late, rolled out of bed about noon, showered, got back in the bed and watched Days of our Lives & Passions, hopped online, got back in bed, and hit the shower again to wash my hair, and got back in the bed.. My only motivation for leaving the crib in a few hours is to go get some food. There's nothing in my fridge but milk, oj, water, beer, soda (plenty to drink) ketchup, bread and salad dressing.. No chance of making a meal out of that. Ketchup sandwiches would have me crying tonight. Hitting up the grocery store is on my list of things to do tomorrow. I want to open the fridge tomorrow night and see fruit, deli sliced turkey meat, veggies, spinach salad, and all that good stuff.
I honestly think I may be a little grouchy due to a number of factors. Tomorrow being Valentines day is one of those factors. There's nothing I hate more than a whiner, and "woe is me" attitude, but I may have to go there to get my point across. This goes back to before the valentines day dance my high school had every year, that I never went to (couples only my ass). Never celebrating it in college. Having ONE valentines day in a relationship when I was 22, and then paying for most of the nights activites with my loot.
I'm getting older, and its not getting any better. It reminds me of one episode of Sex n the city, when Carrie out of the blue remembers being in her 20's saying to herself that dating/love will better in her 30's. Then she finds herself in her 30's upset because it never got better, and she's like damn I can't go into my 40's like this, will I spend the rest of my life like this?? I'm having a Carrie moment. I'm in my late 20's (knocking on 30) and telling myself not to worry, things will be better in my 30's. I'll be comfortable, sucessful, happy, with a great love life, or least actively dating and having a blast like normal folks.. Some days I think I'm fooling myself. It's my worst nightmare to wake up one day, be in my late 30's (knocking on 40) and still fooling myself into thinking its going to get better. Like the ocean of solitude i've been in since my teens is going to dry up one day magically, and i'll find myself on the shores of romance and happy holidays. Well i'm not Cinderella, fairy tales are for punks, and a sista is doing what she needs to do to get by. Seriously, I'm not one of Andre-3000's love-haters, but I'm not in a loving mood. I'm feeling pissed off, jaded, out of touch, left out, and ice-cold. I should be back to my normal self soon, but a vent-session was needed right now. Please note this was not a cry for attention, a call for petting on the head and sympathy, ect. Merely a blowing off of steam.
My best homie is off on a ski/spa trip this weekend. I could have used the get-away seriously, but every year I don't have the deposit money on time. December rolls around and I'm holiday shopping, and never have the loot together. I'm going to start saving this summer, 10 bucks a week, for 20 weeks, and i'll have my annual MOV ski-trip money together for when the deposit is due in December.
Carry on with the festive activities.. I'll be chylling out with a glass of wine, a box of chocolates and a stack of cd's. Ironic that I don't have any groceries in the house, but have plenty of wine and candy.
I-Boogie dropped this on me to think about, in the comments of my 2/8/ post. Thank you Boogie for inspiring my ""ode to all things sexy"" tonight.
I was talking about a cocktail I had over the weekend, and said it was "damn sexy". Her reply made me think about it a little more - (Boogie said) What made the drinking sexy? I'm haivng a hard time picturing a sexy drink. Did it taste sexy? I liked how you used "sexy", I just don't think I could carry that usage off. I'm going to try it later on today. I'll say to someone "Damn, this tuna sandwich is sexy."
(Reddy's reply)
Sexy as a feeling, an attitude, and a thought. It begins in the mind. Cerebal energy fused with passion in action. Sometimes its an atmosphere. Candles nag-champa insense and a comfortable place to sit and peep the scene. Sexy is music and the way it affects our mood. Sade, Dwele, Maxwell, Sweetback (thats sexy).. but depending on how it hits you so is Tribe's Electric Relaxation, Rakim's Mahogany, and Mobb Deep's Shook Ones..
It's a memory, fantasy, dream, wish, and current situation all described by one word (Sexy).. Flavor and how it dances delicately across the tounge and awakens more senses than just taste is at the heart of sexy. When it's so good that it warms your soul, makes you smile or hummm, relax, or get turned on, you're on the right track.. It becomes an experience that leaves the tounge and moves on to deeper parts of the brain. Champagne, your favorite wine, chocolate, honey, a well made cocktail, a plate of good food prepared with love (combined with atmosphere, the right company, or frame of mind) = ultra-sexy.
It's a smile, strut, wink, walk, toss of the hair, pout, dimples or whatever it is that stimulates and teases your mind. Any woman can put on a tight dress with clevage spilling and its attractive, but the lady who arrives on the scene like she owns the room, poised, confident, and inviting (in a business suit, cargo pants, jeans and sweater, or painters suit) is sexy. That scruffy lookin brutha that most females pass up because he does not look like Morris, Boris, or Shemar. You know him, you've probably dated him. It's something special about him (smart, beautiful spirit, killer smile, flawless complexion or scars from the streets) His presence demands attention and the energy can't be denied.
Alrighty thats enough from me.. Let me stop before I get excited. Drop me some words and share some thoughts on " Whats sexy to you" and why.
Happily I can report that I kicked ass on that group project last night. The whole group did good, and i'm real happy. We were poised, calm, informative, presented the material and engagged the class in discussion of the topic. It brought up a few internal issues. Making me wonder if i'm too anal about certain things. I came to the presentation dressed in a fly lil suit, looking like I was ready to do business, while my 2 group members came in jeans and a sweater. It was like "one of these kids is doing her own thing". I'm still up in the air on if i'm going to approach the subject of us ALL dressing professionally or at least business casual, for the next 3 presentations. I know how I come across sometimes verbally, and it makes me hesitant to enter delicate conversations. The last thing I want to do is be offensive when i'm working with a great team.
My dog is in heat and damnit its the pits. The blood flow has stopped, and now the real trouble is kicking in. All the crying, whining, whimpering, and bitch-like-behavior is on my last damn nerve. I know its because she's horny as hell, but damnit so am I, and you don't see me crying and bothering other folks about it.
Speaking of horny.. I was bored as hell in class tonight. As usual.. But I was also rather distracted by the tall, caramel skinned, thick, deep-voiced brutha sitting next to me. Nothing like having your boredom fixed by daydreaming about sitting on a brutha's lap and letting your lips wander on his face and neck.. Ummmmmm i'm going to have to switch rows next class and sit next to a lady, so I can get my mind off that brutha's thighs, and focus more on the boring ass lecture.
I'm sick sick sick 2 death of hearing about J.J's incident. I purposely didn't mention it. But I do have beef about one aspect of the situation. Wayyyyyy too many people are commenting on how her titty just flopped out of the outfit and bounced like a tennis ball in a sock. I've looked at that titty shot over and over, and I just don't see the extreme sagging that men are bitching about. I'm hearing all kind of bullshit like "she should do some chest presses and exercise, she's 37 and really showing her age, it looks worse than Halle's saggy titties in the movie Sw.ord.fish, her nipples are looking at her feet, blah blah blah blah blah".. The whole time i'm looking like "well i'll be damnned" Are people that brainwashed by sillicone titty wearing barbie dolls in the industry like Pam Ande.rso.n, any random porn star, video hoes who walk around looking like they have water baloons stuck to their bony chest frames. Have men (and women too) forgotten what a "real titty" looks like? Some of these women are tripping me out, talking shit about J's titty, knowing damn well that when they take their own bra's off, their nipples cause sparks on the ground, because they drag when they walk.. Aight i'm tripping, but i'm serious about it.. If J's pretty-titties are saggy to the point of disgust, I guess i'll just tuck my titties in my belt strap, or throw one over my shoulder... and step on up outta here.
The weekend was so emotionally draining that I can't even bring myself to type about it. Let's just say that I hope i'm never involved in other peoples dramas on that level, ever ever again.. Better yet, let me not volunteer to involve myself, in potentially sticky situations. From now on "My name's Bennett, and I'm not in it".
Sighs... I'm a tired lady right about now. Spent 3 hours writing, organizing, and preparing the 5 minute presentation I'm doing in class tomorrow, with my group. Aint that sumthin, 3 hours spent, to do a 5 minute gig.
Still have not read the first chapter of that damn book. I'm going to have to get to the point of not doing anything on Thursday or Friday mornings but stay in the crib and read schoolbooks. The weekends fly by so damn fast, that next thing I know its a new week, and I'm scratching my ass like, where did the days go.
I purchased my digital camera with 3.1 megapixels for the low price of 200 bucks, over the weekend. They had to order the joint, because the store is out of stock right now. Can't wait to go and pick that bad-fella up sometime this week. Ya won't be able to tell me shit with a peice of new technology in hand. I'm a gaget kind of girl.
Happy Black History Month to everybody. Why is it that we got the shortest and coldest month of the year? Just another plot to keep the black man down? No parade for the black folks.. I think it's a plot indeed. *cracks up*
