Reflections of Light Thru Blaque

Someone plz call 911

I know the "I'm sick" story was not on the top-section of the post 2 entries ago, but am I an attention whore for wanting at least one "awwww feel betta soon" or even a "hope ya don't kick the bucket, bitch"

Anyhoo I was feeling terrible yesterday after work, my throat was throbbing, and the shit was on my last nerves. I went to the gym and ran for awhile, trying to work off some steam, but it only made my blood run faster, and throat/pulse beat harder. So I took my ass home, showered, packed some essentials, kissed the family bye-bye, and headed for the Emergency Room at the "county-type-hospitals" I went solo, and told momz to stay home because I knew I could be just sitting there for up to 13 hrz, and didn't want to have her out there like that... When you've got no insurance, ya go and sit and sit and sit till they get to ya.. I got there around 8 pm and knew I was in for a long damn wait to be seen by anybody.

While waiting to be treated (they finally got to me round 1 am) I saw a gang of funny shit.. Wanna hear about it.. here it go.. keep reading

Most of the folks in there really didn't look sick, it was more like hung-over.. high.. or krazy.

3 outta every 8 individuals in the waiting room were having conversations with themselves, answering their own questions, or cursing out people that nobody could see but them.

Clearly nobody but me bathed before bringing their stank asses to the ER. It smelled like wild-booty, vomit, liquor, feet, doritos, onions, and 10-day old dead dog up in that joint. Just a wild variety of funk comming off all the individuals in the place.

Naturally most of the musty men up in there had their shoes kicked off, with their nikes humming under their chairs.

A crack-ish looking woman sat next to me, pulled off her shoes and socks and proceeded to scrape the dirt, flakes, and dead skin off the bottom of her feet, pick her toenails, and scrape her heels with her fingernails.. I moved to avoid getting hit with the ashy flakes.

A young brutha came walking in with no shirt on, and as he passed by I saw blood running down his draws, cuz his pants were saggin so low. Young homie had a bullet hole in his lower back. I was trippin like damn he's walking in like nothing's wrong, sitting calmly at the desk filling out paperwork. Had that been me I'd be laid out on a streacher screaming like a bitch.

I had a Dave C. flashback up in there (I watch the show too damn much) This young cat came in, sat there rubbing his chest, and proclaimed loudly for the whole room to hear "I'm sick, I need to see the doctor, something's broke inside, I'm bleeding inside my chest" .... He sounded just like Rick-Ja.mes when Charlie-Mu.rphy kicked him across the room into the mirror.. "I think i'm bleeding inside my chest" I had to put my head down not to laugh when he said it.

Folks who had been in fights were trading stories about getting hit in the head with bricks, pipes, bats ect..

The brutha who slid off his motorcycle walked around showing his bloody skinless elbow-to-wrists to his family members, and grossing everybody out.

When I finally did get back to the treatment area I was sleepy and annoyed, so the nurses kept trying to crack jokes (I admire the efforts)

I spotted a doctor who looked just like Lem from Soul-F.o.od. Brutha had a broad-well muscled chest, thick ass and thighs, long legs, beautiful skin and smile.. My mind went gutterbound instantly, then I got scared. I started praying.. Lawd you know what I can and can't handle. Pleaseeeeeee don't let that be my doctor.

Since I was there for difficult breathing, chest pains, neck pain, blood pressure issues.. ect. I figured they would be doing alot of chest work on me. If that sexy doctor was the one treating me my BP woulda went through the roof. I'm laying there thinking.. if he's goinna be the one holding my breast while telling me to breathe in and out slowly, and listening to my heart-beat.. I'll "skeet so much they'll call me Billy-Ocea.n" up in this place. (Yeah I heard lil-jo.hn's voice in my head at the time)

When a short Middle-Eastern Doctor came to my bedside I breathed a sigh of relief. Skeet-issues-averted.

I had my first X-Ray ever... (it came out clear and healthy) The heart and lungs are in good shape.

The X-Ray tech told me that if i'm every lookin for a boyfriend go for an X-Ray tech, cuz they'll always have a job.. *dead* He said they do the most important work in the hospital.

Dude who took me back to my bed after the X-ray was humming E.U's Doin-tha-butt, and I wanted to hum along with him. I asked him if he'd seen Sch.ool.D.aze recently, and he had ta smile.

2 nurses came to hook me up to heart monitoring machines, which meant attachments to my chest, stomach, and thighs.. Sista started pulling at my gown, and I was like "Ummmmmm if you're going to pull out a titty, you're going to have to pull the drapes first" Sista-nurse looks at the other sista-nurse and says "ohhhhhhh she's modest". I'm looking like WTF. There's men patients sitting up and chylling in the beds across from me, do ya really think I want to expose myself to the world like that, if it can't be helped, especially when theres a DAMN CURTAIN right there. In the back of my mind I was still thinking.. Thank you lawd the sexy doctor is not the one laying his hands all over my body. *Skeet-skeet-Gat-damn*

So they pull tha drapes, I pull out tha titty, and toss the gown up so they can get to the stomach.. and they get to sticking monitor pads all over me. Sista-nurse says "I feel ya girl.. if they wanna see something they're goinna have to pay for the view" *just plain terrible rite*. They didn't get to the thigh cuz I still had my jeans on (it was cold as fuck in that place). Nurse says "that's why you're sick, you're up-tight and your sitting here in your tight britches" I had to crack up at that one.

In the end..... my heart is good, lungs are clear, blood-pressure is high but not enough for them to be worried right now, the muscle cramps in my arms and neck stopped, no more chest pains (for now), and i'm waiting to get some blood-test results back on my thryoid. (which is usualy treatable by medication) I'm a tuff-bird.. i'll be aight.. gotta keep the stress down, eat healthy, and stay with the workouts..

*prayz for the day I get me some health-insurance, considers moving to Can.ada*

Waiter... check please

Nothing is worse than going out to an upscale restaurant for a special occasion with a big-ass group of people. Not only will ya end up paying out the ass in built-in gratuity charges, but when the bill comes one can expect drama. This is the prime time for negroes who drank a few extra drinks, ordered an appetizer, or an over-expensive dinner plate, to make out like a phat rat. I sat back and watched a group of 10 girlfriends bicker, argue, get loud, catch attitudes, growl, and cause a scene over a $280.00 bill.. The drama kicked up when the money was counted, and the total gathered was $235.00.

Since I was with a group of highly educated, good job having, sophisticated, well dressed, beautiful black women, I was fooled into thinking ghetto-tatics would not pop off that night.. Ohhhhhh I was sadly mistaken. Next thing I knew there was some serious eye rolling, neck rolling, nasty attitudes, and loud talking going on.. The obligatory decree of.. "Ummmmm aight who didn't pay for their food, who ordered some extra shit and didn't pay" came from the left end of the table by one of the loudest individuals.. The guilty parties were most likely the ones making the biggest stink over the statement. Myself, I knew I had put in my share, gratuity, plus 2 extra. I sat back chillin, watching the drama unfold. The birthday girl went to pull out her wallet to pay for something, and all hell broke out. Since we took her out, no way in hellz she should be paying for the meal.

Naturally the demands for the guilty persons/cheap-skates to chip in more money, only got louder. Of course they didn't pull out even a quarter more. A couple of bus-boys were standing near-by speaking in spanish, watching our every move, laughing, and looking quite amused by their situation. I suppose they were waiting for a fight, blouses to be ripped off, and perhaps a titty would pop out.. Folks who's bill should have been 40 bucks ended up paying up to 60, to cover the bill, and make sure nobody would be washing dishes.. Wouldn't have been my ass. I'd have gotten my 20 dollars out of the pile, paid for my shit line by line with the waiter, and bounced on their triffling behinds.

Moral of the story. *Seperate checks is your friend, embrace it whenever possible*

Listen up.. I got a story to tell.

Been a minute since i've been thru here with anything noteworthy.. Yeah i've been bullshittin.. lol.

The seasons have finally changed. Spring has hit Chicago, and folks are so warm-weather-starved that they are shedding their clothing at an amazing rate. I was trippin today on this chick who got on the bus wearing a long denim skirt with a thigh high split, tank top, and high heel thong sandals. I was thinking damn it's not that hot, and no sooner than i'd thought it, this lil 12 yr old sitting near me said to her lil girlfriends "it's not that damn hot" and they all giggled. See, even the kids have more sense than these folks out here. I'm not even goinna get started on the white folks wearing sandals and shorts already. It's only 63 degrees, calm down people, summer is not here yet, you're only going to catch a cold. I've even seen "the blacks" out firing up the grill, and getting their ribs and hot-links action on.

Perhaps a day in the park getting my grill on would make me feel better.. Get me a few chicken breasts and veggie skewers on tha grill.. I'm trying to do anything possible for stress relief. I dunno why i'm so wound-up these days, but it's gotta stop, and quick. All this week it's felt like my heart was going to beat straight outta my chest, pulse is going crazy, headaches, muscle aches, ect. From what i've read, it looks like a case of stress-induced high blood pressure. It seems to have gotten started the night I got in a fight with that lady at work a few weeks ago. It's been pretty still and quiet in my body, but the pressure of a class presentation this week stirred my blood-pressure up again. I took my no-health-insurance-having-ass to the free clinic, and made an appointment to see the doctor. She won't be able to take me for a few weeks, and i'm feeling like I could have a health-crisis by that time. *the kidd is not trying to have any heart-disease-damage-attack going on* So I took my sick-ass to the health food store last night. The herb-ologist put me up on a few diffrent bottles containing mixes of garlic, hawthorne berry, cayanne pepper, and other herbs and minerals. Also sucking down a oily spoon-full of flax seed oil every morning now. It's only been about 24 hours on the herbs and oils, but i'm feeling better. My pulse is back near normal, no more chest pains, no throbbing pule points, ect. Hopefully by the time I get to the doctor, my pressure will be near to normal so she won't have to give me any prescription pills (the kind that keeps my mom having to pee 24/7)

For eating... sighs.. i'm going to be eating more fruits and veggies than a rabbit. Since 1999 I have not touched any beef or pork, I really don't use salt, and i'm doing better with my water drinking. Guess that was not enough, cuz high BP runs strong in my family. One thing that i've done bad, is eat lots of frozen dinners, processed foods, diet soda, potato chips n doritios, canned soups ect. I called myself cutting calories with the lea.n-cus.ine meals at work. It helped a-lot with weight loss, but damn the sodium content in those meals is like frozen-heart-attack in a box.

I was seriously pissed off today. I was running crazy errands in the streets, starvin-like-marvin, and couldn't go anywhere to eat. Thought i'd bite somebody and drink their blood while trying to go to the bank, nail shop, and grocery store. All I saw was greasy, salty, bad-health-causing = KFC, Wendys, BK, MC D's, Pop.eyes, gyro shops.. blah blah blah fucking blah. I ended up ducking into Walg.reens and picking up a container of peaches, and sucking them down on the bus.. As soon as I got out of "the hood" and found myself in Hyde Park (multicultural neigborhood with majority white folks) There were fruit markets, real restaurants serving real cooked meals, health food stores, juice bars, ect. Why is it that in the "black" area of town, we don't get anything but fast food to pick up. Just trying to kill our black asses off quicker with high cholesterol, blood pressure, heart attacks, ect. Why would I possibly want to get a fresh pressed carrot-n-orange juice with a deli sammich, when I can always go up the street to McD's and get a double fish sammich, super size fries, and coke.. ohhh and don't forget the apple pie *rolls eyes and sucks teeth sarcastically*

On my journey today, I found a store in Hyde Park that sells Caro.ls-Daug.hter products. *dance of joy* I've always wanted to try it, but their shipping charges are outrageous from NYC. Today I got the hair milk, and in a few weeks i'll prob go back for some body-butter.

Wednesday nite my chest muscles were hurting, so i really couldn't whoop and laugh like I normally do when watching Dave.Cha.pelle. But that damn skit on wednesday night was the funniest thang ever. *Dead* @ the puppet pulling down his pants and exposing his "rather large" puppet-penis, dripping with some sort of infection. The whole show was hillarious this week. Dave doing Dylan was funny as fuck.

*Thought to ponder for the weekend = I beat my dick like it owes me money*
That damn Dave is a fool.

It all falls down...

The workplace should be interesting for the next few weeks.. Looks like 2 staff members are leaving for extended medical absence. My boss is looking like he's about to pull his hair out, because of the loss. I actually got offered someone's job today, with full benefits and pay.. However working full time would surely send my grades into the toilet, and i'm passing on that one. Besides, I had to spend about 10 minutes today explaining to a senior-staff member, that she had to save a document before sending it to me in email, or I wouldn't be able to see the changes. How to insert columns in Ex.cel. Then walking her through how to send me the document as an email attachment

*pauses and sighs*
Do I really want to work full time (in that office) with that kind of nonsense going on..
Hell-2-tha-naw.

As usual.. I've managed to piss-off several close-friends (Am I really that hard to get along with) No really?? Am I?? Damn.. Looks like I did major damage to someone's feelings a few weeks ago, and I had no idea until another friend brought it up last night. Turns out that my non-verbals is what pissed her off. Imagine if I had said what was really on my mind.. I dunno what it is with me and trying to get along with folks lately.

All is well on the group-project front.. Got a few presentations to do tomorrah in front of the class. As usual i'm nervous. I hate public speaking. All those eyes on me makes me wanna hurl. Well at least i'll look cute and pull out the dress clothes for the occasion.

(current frame of mind.. It all falls down)

Man I promise, she's so self conscious
She has no idea what she's doing in college
That major that she majored in don't make no money
But she won't drop out, her parents will look at her funny
Now, tell me that ain't insecurrre
The concept of school seems so securrre
Sophmore three yearrrs aint picked a careerrr
She like fuck it, I'll just stay down herre and do hair

See ya @ tha blog-cross-roads

Pours out a shot of Hennessey on the ground for Epitomi..

I've grown to love her style, writing, whit, humor, and personality..

Then *poof* itz gone.

Enjoy your blog-retirement and don't be a stranger. *Huggz*

Only in my dreams...

These are boring days and times.. and I love it.

Spring break has been beautiful.. After 3 days of staying up late watching movies, only to sleep late the next morning, I'm feeling rested. Getting up at noon is breezy. Not doing any household chores (the crib is a wreck), and only moving from the bed, to the shower, to the couch, and back to the bed.. (well I did make it to the gym sucessfully)

Definately not the lazy lifestyle I want for everyday, but for a few days I'm pretending i'm on vacation somewhere exotic. Instead of being in my crib, where its only 30 degrees outside (snowed today too), my mind is wandering somewhere tropical.. Picture me in a small cottage, right off the beach, in Puerto Rico. Nothing but the sound of jazz on the radio, and the waves hitting the beach outside my door.. It's hot so i'm dressed in a lil white tank top and boy-shorts. Sipping ice cold rum and coke, sweating from the humidity, with a fan gently breezing over my skin.. Of course a shirtless muscular Rican brutha with long dark hair, cafe-au-lait skin, and mysterious eyes is taking good care of me (Let's call him Juan-Carlos) He's cooking my meals, doing my laundry, washing and brushing my hair, pedicures and foot-rubbs. (and other various duties... rubdowns, sponge-baths, dick-downs, licks-for-dayz).. Hey a girl is free to daydream.. Right !!!

The fantasy is over tomorrow... back to reality.. getting up earlier, showering, getting the coffee going and cracking open some books for research.. I've got 3 projects due when I get back to school next week. Ahhhhh I love a challenge, and I work real good under pressure (on a school level, cuz i hate job pressure). I'll prob hit the gym again tomorrow. Tried to go today but had a nasty stabbing pain in my neck from sleeping in a weird position. Or it could be from fighting myself in my sleep, from the wild dreams.

I've been having all kind of unusual dreams. I'm always running and trying to escape from something or someone, fighting, violent scenes, or just plain nonsense.. Last night it was some kind of epic battle (LOTR style) I woke up with my heart pounding, head hurting, neck sore, and a lil shook up.. Seriously, who wants to dream about epic battles with creatures. Is it normal to dream about hobbi.ts and mythical quests.. I wanna dream about epic sex with Fr.edro (yeah dude from Ony.x), not fighting alongside Fr.odo (the ho.bbitt) Thats so not cool, and its messing with my sleep-habits.

Here's to a good nite's sleep.. steamy dreams.. no nightmares.. a good workout at the gym, and a kick ass project getting started tomorrah..

Doing it.. and doing it well

She told me last night that I need to update my damn blogg.. After replying with a "yeah yeah yeah" I sighed because I have absoloutely nothing to talk about.. What can I say, things have been hella boring and normal with me, which can be a good thing too. Especially considering that when i'm blogging alot i'm usually going off about some drama, bitching about something, and crying too.. Last thing I wanna do is make this spot my "bitch-n-moan-forum". But funny stuff has not happened to me like it does to her . and lately i've been such a bottle of anger that I'm blocking my free-flowing Saggatarius creative energy that she also has.
(yeah there's more)

The first thing I can start yapping about is how good it is to see a sexy face first thing in the morning.. (ummmmm no it was not lying on my pillow next to me) But I hopped on here this morning and saw some ladies raving about him in the music forum. Then I dropped by her spot and she was talking about him too. I'm sayin to myself. Hummmmmmmm ok now its official I gotta peep the brutha out. First thing I see on the website is his sexy face. Had a sista sittin back like DAMN! He looks that good and can sing his ass off too - Aint that sumthin!! So I've had fun this morning licking my lips over that picture, and previewing his soulfully-bangin CD on the website. (are those some amazing lips, eyebrows, and facial features.. or what)

The weekend went by too quick. I went to the Ex.po for Tod.ay's Bla.ck Wo.man and spent too much damn money up in that spot.. 10 bucks to get in, 20 to park (split wit my girl), 10 to eat, 5 to drink (a smoothie).. damnit by that time all I could afford was a 2 dollar bottle of garlic flavored hot sauce, and 15 bucks on 2 jars of scented shea butter hair grease and body cream. Normally I'd head straight for the liquor pavillion at the Expo, and make sure I'd at least get fucked-up and drink up my admission price. Dag-gone-it, I gave up liquor for Lent this year. One of the girls i'm with decides to walk thru there (cuz all the sexy men were in there drinking the free liqua). I went into panic mode, breathing heavy, sweating, feeling faint, looking crazy.. Is it normal to be sweating like a coke-head in a room full of baby powder?? Looking around at all the free liqua, that I couldn't have (like goin to an open bar with your lips sewn shut) May the good-lawd have mercy on my lush-acting-azz.

That is all for now... I'm taking my lazy behind to the gym today. I feel like i'd rather leap from a roof than go to the gym. *shakes fist in the air @ lil bony heffas that don't have to go - high metabolism having whores... Yeah i'm trippin and I know it.. damnit.. Don't mind me, cuz in the next feew weeks i'll look forward to going - after I get back in the routine. Its just those first few times going back that's like pulling teeth. I was goin with pleasure 3x's a week all last year, fell off the wagon, and now its like starting from scratch..

*Theme music for the day*

You just popped in the K.an.ye W.est
Get right for the summer workout tape
And ladies if you follow these instructions exactly
you might bear to pull you a rapper, a NB.A player
Man, at least a dude wit' a car
So first of all we gon' work on the stomach
Nobody wants a little tight ass!

1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and get them sit ups right and
Tuck your tummy tight and do your crunches like this
Give head, stop breathe, get up, check your weave

F' em girl.. F' em.

Despite the fact that it will hurt my pockets a lil bit, i'm lookin forward to some time away from my gig. I'm plannnin on taking off 2 outta my scheduled 3 dayz this week, to study for a midterm..

and next week is spring break... psshhhhh fa-get-about-it. I'm goinna be sittin at home on my lazy, over-stressed, frustrated-grad-student ass for a whole week.

Fuck em' fuck em' fuck em' fuck em' fuck em' (wit a drippy dick)!

There, that felt real good!

In celebration of blessings

It's me again.. (twice in one day, i'm on a roll) The most productive thang I've done today is catch up on 3 days worth of tapes of Days and Pas.sions. I'm a certified addicted soaps-watcher.

Life will always have its rocks, bumps, set-backs and drama, nothing we can do about that. But what I can do is celebrate the lil things that come my way un-expectedly. I got 6 books yesterday as a professor at the school cleared out her office. I scrambled over the other office folks and nailed some Alice Walker, Toni Morrison, and Ntozake Shange.. Also yesterday someone at my mom's job GAVE her a fur coat. Her co-worker got it from someone, didn't want it, and gave it to my mom. Fit her like a glove. Ya know I tried to get my ass in it too, but alas, my tig-ole-bitties are too big to rock it. All ya gotta do is ask, and God will provide. She's been needing a new winter-coat for awhile, skrimps on herself to pay the bills, and a fur gets dropped off in her lap. Thats a blessing like woah!

I'll drop a sexy lil poem from the Ntozake Shange book I rescued from the professor's garbage yesterday. (i'm not even goinna get started on how she was about to send about 100 books to the garbage, unless we took em home)

Hands and Holding
Ntzoke Shange (from the book Nappy Edges)

Hands & holding
tounges & clits
go well together
the way
the sun kisses the ocean at dawn
you have fallen
from the inside
of laughin congas
i hear you smilin
in the tunnel
women glissade
from tree limbs
their hips are so glad
to see you

in the night/ochun's candles
make either-glow waves
thru the hairs on yr stomach
i have spoken to the stars
confined to black holes
from the milky way
they want to fall round you
i am envied by ladies
brighter even than the sun

you were curled
under the window
like kittens at mykko's tits
some visators
took you towards the true rainbow
you slept
eyes wide water soft
i sat at the end of the rainbow
makin gumbo in a pot of gold

a trinidadian woman
tells me a hot-blooded man
dances like slow winds
in hatian hills
yr touch is firm
like roots to soil

I cannot speak
yr eyes have stolen
my tounge only knows
to move from yr lips
to yr thigh.

Dark clouds aint scaring me..

When she got all up in my face like "I don't give a fuck" I knew it was time to defend myself, my pride, and stand up to her.. Really not going into detail, but there is a bully at my job. Can ya believe that.. At work? A 40-sumthin year old bully. She's clearly threatened by a young, MBA gettin, sista on the move, like me. I'd finally had enough of her shit, tired of letting it roll quietly off my back, and had to say sumthin back to her. Lately i've been feeling like a punk for the way i've been behaving. I'm still a fly-off-the-handle-spitfire in my own way, but i've calmed that down to a bare minimum over the past few yrz. God is workin on me, changing me, making me a better individual.. When this shit popped off yesterday, I was out of pratice, overwhelmed, and upset. Handled it with no cursing, no personal attacks on her, just the situation..

So there we are, in my directors office, and she's going off about how she can't stand me and has never liked me (in my head i'm like no shit shirlock). Basicially she hates me cuz i've "overpersonalized the office space we share" I'm lookin like WTF? I've got no photos, plants, toys, ect at my desk. Ole girl seems to be trippin cuz I changed the background on the comp last August to something she didn't like, and has hated me ever since. It was only up for a few days before she raised hell and I changed it, but she's still on that shit.. She said I was evil, and it's a reflection on my character based on the photo I put up. I told her i'd pray for her, and she called me an un-godly hypocrate.. This chick needs to get to the nearest psych-treatment center and get on some kind of meds ASAP.

Unfortunately this is not the first time a wacked-out-religious-type has tried to rain on my head cuz of a serpent. (and last time I checked, didn't God create snakes and lizzards too) I've got a chinese-dragon tattooed on my arm, and one of my former-close-friends said her spiritual advisor told her i'm a dark, evil, negative person. Like i've got the mark of evil on me because of the tattoo. WTF i've know i've got my funky-lil-ways (we all do) but damn folks are putting me on the level of The.Om.en cuz of comp-walpapers, and tattoo's. All I can do is pray for her, she's goinna need it. I'm one of God's favorite children, blessed and full of his light, messin with me aint a smart thang to do.

I'm going to have to get to work an hour earlier now, on the day she's there, so I can leave before she gets there. I can look for the silver lining in the situation and see the room i'll have to hit the gym before class now. Happily i'll prob never have to cross path's with her evil, unstable ass again.

Only thing is i'm upset that she saw me cry about the situation.. Can't help it, i've always been like that. If i'm crying when in a confrontation is not a showing of "hurt-feelings" it's "pure rage manifested". Like a rattler shaking its tail before striking, if i'm seen crying its best to clear outta my path, cuz i'm in wreck-shop mode. I hate getting myself upset like that, totally throws me off balance, and outta cypher. Set my whole system outta wack last night. I'm a delicate individual, and with sensitive-energy. Yeah i'm one of those who gets vibes, funny-feelings, sensitive-spirited.. I thought for sure when I cut my locks some of that energy-sensory would leave me, but it's getting stronger.. Some days the universe seems to scream out at me, and I pick up on it and react internally.. That episode last night gave me an upset stomach, headache, nausea, I threw-up.. ughhhhhhh. I was so physically-trashed last night I went to sleep without watching Soul Food or Dave Chapelle. Now you know i'm pissed about that right.